Those Words given by A Parent That Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider inability to talk between men, who still internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."