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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward entered a community college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|