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When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families affected by a loved one’s substance use fear the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”